The Brown Blues

deadline_clock1

Maybe it’s the wonderful pregnancy hormones. Maybe it’s grappling with the reality of our current situation.  It’s probably both, but I’ve got the blues. It has been really frustrating to apply to so many companies, and even to be strung along by one in particular for over 2 months with no answer still about a job for TJ when we both know we have a deadline to meet (Baby Brown’s arrival), and he is more than qualified for the positions he is applying for.

Last week, one of our pastors spoke about praying through something and sometimes not being able to have a cohesive thought to even speak to God,  yet He still understands. My prayers have been exactly that because of the sheer panic and disparity I feel like I have been in lately.

God hears something like this from me multiple times a day…

Baby.

Born.

Hospital.

Insurance.

Money.

Co-payments.

Necessity.

Scared.

How much longer?

Help.

When?

Diapers.

Food.

Want own home.

Discouraged.

Not us.

Nesting.

Baby crying, mom crying.

You’re in control.

Running out of time.

Poor TJ.

Not permanent…don’t worry. I’m worried.

Burnt out.

Clothes.

Trusting you.

Almost over?

I have no idea how much longer we will go without a job. I do know that for every job we apply for, there are an average of 500 people applying for the very same one. Only God can supply our needs. Only He can give us what is perfect for us in His time. It’s just difficult to hold on to the hope of His perfect timing when we don’t know the date it will all be over.

I pray it happens soon so we can bring our baby into the world without this big burden on our shoulders.

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7 thoughts on “The Brown Blues

  1. Hey Jess! I didn’t know you guys had a blog – or at least I don’t recall knowing that… Anyway, just read this entry and wanted to encourage you that all you’re feeling is understandable. This is a time of incredible transition in your lives – not only together, as a couple, but for each of you. You’re about to become a mommy! That’s super permanent 🙂 And not having a lot of permanency in your life right now is a bit scary, considering you’re entering such a permanent phase of becoming a parent! Just know that God has an amazing way of providing for each baby that comes. It’s also super hard being away from your family during this time and in a place that isn’t “home”. You are dealing with a lot, my dear! Take each day as it comes and know that you will have what you need for today; tomorrow will worry about itself (to paraphrase a very wise man that we both know and love 😉
    Blessings and love!
    Melissa

  2. Hey Jess!
    So sad I wasn’t able to make it to your shower… 🙂 But please know that I have been reading your blog and praying for you both (and baby) often! I know it’s hard to write those things down, but praise the Lord that it only allows more people the opportunity to know how to specifically pray for you both. Bless the Lord for all He gives and all He takes away. It’s wonderful to know it’s all His. He is your provider and sustainer. Praise His holy name.
    Love you guys and wish you were here 🙂
    Macy

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