It’s a Good News, Bad News Day

My Doctor Duo

First off, I just want to thank everyone who has commented, texted, IM’d, called and e-mailed me in the last 24 hours. Your prayers, support, and kind words have brought me so much peace and a wonderful feeling of being lifted up through a scary time.

I’ll just get right down to it.

In the words of my surgeon,“It’s good news today, but hold your breath.”

There was definitely a lump. And then there was another lump. Then the surgeon added that my breast tissue on the affected breast had a completely different feeling and texture than my left. As she examined me, she talked to me about not being dealt a great deck of cards given how my breast feels, my age, my family history, and the fact that I’m Jewish. I was honestly not expecting this to go well at that point.

We went striaght into ultrasound from there and immeditely determined that the lumps that were felt were without a doubt large milk ducts. Praise God!!!

Good News: I’m cancer-free!!!

Bad News: This BRCA Analysis test I am waiting to get the results back from (2 weeks) will be dictating the way I will be living my life from here on out.

If it comes back positive that I carry the same cancer gene as my mom, the best option for me will undoubtedly be a prophylactic double mastectomy with reconstructive surgery. If not, I will be a ticking time bomb waiting and checking all the time for a positive diagnosis. If I go through with it, my odds of being diagnosed go down dramatically.

As my surgeon put it, “I would much rather you decide what to do with your body and your life than me have to tell you what to do to save your life.”

I’ll be going back for another check in 6 months to see if anything has changed. If I test positive, I’ll be back immediately for some serious decision making for proactive measures to take. If I’m still in the same amount of pain in a couple weeks, I’ll be going in then to see if something has developed between now and then.

My feelings about it all:TJ and I have long discussed a prophylactic double mastectomy being a very real possibility for me in my lifetime and how we felt about it. If I do test positive, there is no doubt in my mind this is the course of action we would like to take. Although I lose an important part of my womanhood, it will save my life from the ravages of a disease I had to sit by and watch kill my own Mom. When she was diagnosed, this wasn’t even an option that was talked about. Maybe it could have saved her if she had done it when she discovered her first lump in the 20’s like me. Thanks God there are more options for me. My Mom wasn’t so lucky. It’s a hard decision, yet so easy for me also.

I feel like God has spared me for now, but has reminded me in a very real way that my body is not my own. It’s His to do what He wills and my responsibility to take care of it…however drastic it may be.

I’m nervous about what the test results will bring and how hard it will be to adjust life accordingly,  but am glad I am in capable hands and have such strong support from my family and friends.

2 weeks and counting…

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5 thoughts on “It’s a Good News, Bad News Day

  1. Jessie,
    Your family is beautiful! So happy to hear your good news. I’ll be praying for a positive result for the next two weeks.

  2. Hi Jessie,
    I just checked in again to find that the lumps were milk ducts–actually that was what I had been thinking they were. Praise God! I go to a church that is very strong in the prayer department, and my prayer group prayed for you for a miracle that you did NOT have breast cancer. What a wonderful prayer report I was able to give them last week! But sorry to hear the techs are dragging their heels in finding the results of the BRCA question.
    I am so impressed with your faith-filled response that no matter what the result, God is God and we are His.
    I often wondered how, as such a young child, you were handling your Mom’s illness and I appreciate knowing what was in your mind starting way back when you were 12. I myself wondered why you hadn’t had the test much earlier in your life, then realized that you were wise not to know. This way, you could live your life without the information about BRCA coloring everything you did. Who knows what you would NOT have done, had you known early on that you carried that gene? It would have been like walking on eggshells. So I’m thinking the same thing with Sadie. Would you hover over her like a mother hen, give way to the enemy’s whisperings of “what if” as she lives her life? How might fear color how you raise her? Would it make a difference in your life to know whether your daughter is a carrier? I can only say, I don’t relish the decision you have to make. But trooper that you are, I know you will make the right one.
    It is so amazing to see what an incredible person you have grown into. The fingerprints of your mother are all over you.
    I know that whatever your decisions, they will not be made without much prayer and consideration. Be blessed by God, my friend! Much love, Madelyn

    • Thanks so much for the prayers and encouragement Madelyn!

      It is a hard decision to make for me and how it will bleed over into Sadie’s life regardless. The best I can do at this point is to make sure I take care of myself when it comes to the cancer risk and hope and pray for more technology so this isn’t an issue should Sadie be faced with the same problem.

      Again, thanks so much for all your kind words! :0)

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