Guilt

My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.

-2 Corinthians 12:9


This week I had to read a chapter out of Gary Thomas’ Sacred Parenting for my Mama’s group. It was on guilt we as parents have in raising our kiddos and how God uses guilt to point us and our kids towards Christ.

Funny how guilt has been a part of my week:

1. Since Sadie has been working on a molar and another tooth this last week, sleep has once again left the Brown house. It was bad timing because we were planning on working on her last middle of the night feeding since she’s almost 1 and doesn’t need it since she eats more than I do during the day. But alas, teething means putting everything on hold and to brace for no sleep. The only thing comforting enough to calm my screaming, writhing in pain babe is to nurse. A lot.

Guilt: Feeling bad about having a baby who still nurses once at night to now nursing 2-4 times at night when she’s going on 1. I know it’s all temporary, but I struggle.

2. As soon as we got home this morning Sadie and I had some lunch. She’s going through a phase of resisting whatever I give her and wants what’s in my hand to eat. Even if it’s the exact same thing. So, I was eating a pear and a granola bar. A peanut butter granola bar. Peanuts. Allergen laden peanuts. I didn’t think twice about it, and let her have 2 bites. Almost immediately she was all broken out in hives and it occurred to me what had just happened. Bad Mom.

Guilt: Feeding my child peanuts. Peanuts. Ugh…PEANUTS!!! As we speak, I am going back and forth from hovering over the monitor to hovering over her crib because the monitor is not an accurate enough depiction of my sleeping baby (who is only asleep thanks to Benadryl…maybe I should use that to solve guilt problem #1).

Obviously, I am not a perfect person or a perfect Mom. I make mistakes. I fumble around a lot trying to do the right thing. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail miserably and only understand what I did after the fact when it’s too late to rectify my wrong.

I take heart in the fact that God chose me to be Sadie’s Mommy and nobody else. I am the perfect Mom for her despite my weaknesses and inadequacies. God chose me to be her Mommy and has paired us together for a reason. And hopefully as Sadie grows up, my shortcomings will be the prefect opportunity to point her to the One who really has it all together.

Take away: Take heart when things don’t turn out how you wanted them to. Don’t get down on yourself when you do something wrong even though you had the best of intentions. We aren’t ever going to be the perfect parent. That’s why it’s so crucial we lean on God for our strength and wisdom as our example.

Oh, the things you learn when you become a parent!

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4 thoughts on “Guilt

  1. I love what you said about how God chose you to be Sadie’s mom. No matter how hard things get, He chose me to be Linnea’s mom and I can handle whatever life throws at us. You are a wonderful parent and need to know that always!

  2. Hi Jessie,
    I love reading your blogs. This one struck me because you said Sadie is allergic to peanuts and you are breastfeeding. It might help if you stopped consuming peanuts while nursing her because whatever you eat, gets into your breastmilk. Yet another thing to have to give up for your little one! I know, it sucks. I had to give up chocolate and Mexican food (obviously, my two favorites) because my kids would scream in pain while nursing. Believe me, some of the mistakes Levi and I made while raising our two characters would curl your toes if you only knew. One thing I did because my mother NEVER did, was to apologize to them immediately when I knew I made a mistake. Their love covers a multitude of our sins. I am so happy to hear about the BRCA results. Also, I used to work on the Orange Circle, right above the Cuban Food restaurant (is it still there? fabulous food…) and love that part of town. Blessings and love from Madelyn

  3. Hi Jessie,

    Just taking a peek at your life again. What a beautiful thing to learn as a new mommy. You are very wise for your age. Guilt has always been my biggest struggle. Even as a mom of two (three – with our arriving in May baby), I still struggle with this issue. It is nice to see that you are learning how to deal with it now. Your mom would be proud.

    Blessings,
    Yvana

    • Thanks Yvana! Congrats to you on expanding your beautiful family! I remember being in class when you were having your first and now look! Holy cow time flies!

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