My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.
-2 Corinthians 12:9
This week I had to read a chapter out of Gary Thomas’ Sacred Parenting for my Mama’s group. It was on guilt we as parents have in raising our kiddos and how God uses guilt to point us and our kids towards Christ.
Funny how guilt has been a part of my week:
1. Since Sadie has been working on a molar and another tooth this last week, sleep has once again left the Brown house. It was bad timing because we were planning on working on her last middle of the night feeding since she’s almost 1 and doesn’t need it since she eats more than I do during the day. But alas, teething means putting everything on hold and to brace for no sleep. The only thing comforting enough to calm my screaming, writhing in pain babe is to nurse. A lot.
Guilt: Feeling bad about having a baby who still nurses once at night to now nursing 2-4 times at night when she’s going on 1. I know it’s all temporary, but I struggle.
2. As soon as we got home this morning Sadie and I had some lunch. She’s going through a phase of resisting whatever I give her and wants what’s in my hand to eat. Even if it’s the exact same thing. So, I was eating a pear and a granola bar. A peanut butter granola bar. Peanuts. Allergen laden peanuts. I didn’t think twice about it, and let her have 2 bites. Almost immediately she was all broken out in hives and it occurred to me what had just happened. Bad Mom.
Guilt: Feeding my child peanuts. Peanuts. Ugh…PEANUTS!!! As we speak, I am going back and forth from hovering over the monitor to hovering over her crib because the monitor is not an accurate enough depiction of my sleeping baby (who is only asleep thanks to Benadryl…maybe I should use that to solve guilt problem #1).
Obviously, I am not a perfect person or a perfect Mom. I make mistakes. I fumble around a lot trying to do the right thing. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail miserably and only understand what I did after the fact when it’s too late to rectify my wrong.
I take heart in the fact that God chose me to be Sadie’s Mommy and nobody else. I am the perfect Mom for her despite my weaknesses and inadequacies. God chose me to be her Mommy and has paired us together for a reason. And hopefully as Sadie grows up, my shortcomings will be the prefect opportunity to point her to the One who really has it all together.
Take away: Take heart when things don’t turn out how you wanted them to. Don’t get down on yourself when you do something wrong even though you had the best of intentions. We aren’t ever going to be the perfect parent. That’s why it’s so crucial we lean on God for our strength and wisdom as our example.
Oh, the things you learn when you become a parent!