In a Daze Amidst the Screaming

Was I expecting this? Yes.

Did I anticipate there being bad days? Yes.

Did I know it would be hard. Of course.

Despite all of my head knowledge, getting used to the demands of two kids is tough. Being a Mom is the hardest job, period.

But when your normally well-behaved toddler starts screaming, throwing, and tantruming every time you breastfeed (which for Jonah lately has been every hour and a half followed by at least 10 minutes of me holding him upright due to oversupply before I can lay him down) or pitching a fit when you tell her to do something, your confidence as a Mom giving both kids what they need rapidly takes a dive.

I feel spread too thin.

In her eyes, I can do nothing right at this moment.

I can’t wear him to have my hands free. I can’t not sit with her at the table while she refuses to eat again. I can’t do much of anything.

There’s such a fine line in allowing there to be a certain level of healthy frustration from Sadie as she adjusts to having a brother who needs a lot from me and not allowing her to get away with acting inappropriate just because she’s going through a temporary phase.

I don’t want her to feel like she’s not being heard because I put her in a time-out for not listening after she’s been warned, when I know the root of the issue is she is just insecure, not bad.

I feel guilty that all she wants is to play with me and spend quality time with me so she knows I still love her just the same when I am being pulled in so many other directions.

But she also needs to learn that I can’t be her entertainment every moment that she’s awake. She needs to be more independent.

Jonah needs to be fed, burped, changed, and stimulated also. There are two kids, not one.

I can’t just put him down in his chair to sit there all day while I attend to all her wants.

And I need to be able to get things done and have moments to think. To make dinner. To go to the bathroom uninterrupted. To brush my teeth. To organize the bills. To change out the laundry.

You start to question yourself…

  • Am I still a good Mom?
  • Am I the only one going through this?
  • Is this ever going to get any easier?
  • Why do I have to be so tired and impatient while dealing with an issue this huge?

It’s just one of those hard days that has recently morphed into a hard week-long situation that I can’t seem to get a handle on.

I expected this, yet I still feel blind-sided.

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6 thoughts on “In a Daze Amidst the Screaming

  1. I am sorry. I haven’t sat down with you and talked with you but I know I can relate..sort of. It is coming in 4 weeks. My daughter, Alayna, is going through a whiny phase. She wants to be picked up, she wants to keep looking at photo albums, and frames and just wants to be near us. The constant screaming is just crazy. And I am carrying so low and feeling so heavy as I am in my last few weeks that I can’t just pick her up or do “fun” things like she wants. It makes things hard. We are training her now and she does show signs that she can do things on her own while I do other things but I am terrified like you wouldn’t believe with having TWO small ones. Will she stop doing things on her own and throw a tantrum now? In a lot of ways, you and many other moms are ‘teaching’ me “what is to come” and even “what tips are helpful”. But none the less I am praying for you and your kiddos. I will pray for a better week!

  2. No matter how you feel about your performance as a mother you must know that you unbelievably patient, kind, loving and just with our children. I see it everyday and pray that I grow to be a parent in your likeness. I’m proud of the way you mother our children and the loving and godly home you maintain for all of us. Hang in there.

  3. Hi Jessie,

    To answer your questions:
    1) You are still a good mom
    2) No, you are not the only one
    3) It does get easier
    4) Sometimes it is just hard

    And since you don’t have any reason to believe me, do believe the person that lives with you and sees you everyday with your little ones. You obviously have some great support in your husband.
    May the Lord Bless you and your sweet family and keep you growing and reaching for HIM.

    In case it helps – I started telling my kiddos to count the mommies in the room (1) and the children in the room (3) – obviously somebody was going to have to wait and be a little patient. My kiddos are older, but counting mommies and children may help Sadie too.

    • Thanks for the encouragement…I LOVE the idea of counting Mommies and children with Sadie. I will be implementing that as soon as she wakes up from nap. Ha!

      ________________________________

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